she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In other news, I just burned my penis
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize