Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
