no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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