what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
