it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize