And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
