I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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