The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
