he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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