last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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