Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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