bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
