no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
