I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
