proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
