can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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