I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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