these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
