the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
