ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
