wanna go halves on a baby?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
