So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
