1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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