Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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