oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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