Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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