That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize