he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
