I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
