I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
