She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
