I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
