Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
