Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
