Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
