Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
