just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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