All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Pants are for mortals
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
