You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
