Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
