college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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