i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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