As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
