once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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