Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
