Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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