Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
