I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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