Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
