It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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