I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
