"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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