I'm drive I can fine osifer
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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