i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
