She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
