I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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