Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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