Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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