dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
