he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
