My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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