I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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