Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
