Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
