he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
