you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
