please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
