I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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