I want to make a zoo with you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
