If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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