I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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