I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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