i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
