I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i now understand why vodka
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
