Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
