The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
