Im at strip club and am horny
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
