She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
