I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So vagazzling was a success
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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