she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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