Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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