Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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