So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize