this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
