oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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