I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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