Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
