Im at strip club and am horny
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
