he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
