Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
