Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize