Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize