I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
