we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
