im gay
i know
yea but for you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
