haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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