just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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