I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
