i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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