I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
