also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
