Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
