hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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